Love But Not In Love

Q: I think my husband loves me but isn't in love with me. He's not very affectionate, he doesn’t talk so much, and he seems irritated with me. How do I deal with him?

A: It’s a classic example of the difference between men and women. You think he's zoned out of the relationship, while he thinks he's doing his best to be a good husband. If he's like most guys, he thinks his hard work and yard work are making you feel loved. You want long talks and tight hug. Thus, appreciate and acknowledge every little way he thinks he is showing his love, he'll be more open to the small gestures you need.

With regards to his apparent irritation with you, that's one way a guy could be different. You may not be the reason for it; you just happen to be the target. Tell him that if he wants to talk, you're there. Maybe when he sees you're appreciating him for him, he'll feel more at ease in general.

I Feel Bad About My Relationship. Is It Going To Get Better?

Q: I feel bad about my relationship. Is it going to get better? How do you know you are progressing into the good?

A: The answer to that question is three-fold. First, you know things are progressing into the good when you feel happier and more at peace no matter the situation.

Second, you have to do the emotional work, exert some effort to grow emotionally. You may use the relationship to help you at this, and let it be your practice ground.

Third, we all want to feel good all the time. However, there are those who believe that emotional work and relationships are only valid and worth having if there is pain. Not all pain is necessary. Things don’t have to be hard all the time. Truth be told, one way you know you are growing emotionally is that you can feel deeper joy more often than not.

Ways A Woman Can Mess Up A Relationship

Here are some of the careless and thoughtless actions and behaviors that might be effin' up the relationship:

1. You zero in on the bad
It's okay to call out your guy on his faults, but a little acknowledgement of the good stuff goes a long way.

2. You are hooked on the blame game
Instead of chalking up your guy's shortcomings, look at the big picture. You'll get where he's coming from when you know he does things he does for a reason.

3. You always whine about him to your friends
It's not a mortal sin to confide in your closest friends about your problems with your guy, but constantly ruining his reputation makes him feel betrayed and chips away at your relationship.