Sunday, November 17, 2013
The Distant and Detached Partner
Q: I have a boyfriend for one and a half years and from the start was strongly attracted to him and loved him deeply. The main issue was his lack of emotional intimacy and communication. I was always open, honest and patient with him, while he always seemed too afraid to let me really know him.
A: People who came from abusive or abandoning relations usually only know dysfunction. They have this tendency to find partners who are ambivalent and hostile; these people fear and reject closeness in spite of their dependent longings. Additionally, the emotional empathy a young girl was not able to get from a critical/withholding parent, such as approval, she usually tries to draw out from a distant-needy partner. This kind of a distant or detached partner comes with challenge to prove her worthiness as a desirable woman who can get the love of the elusive object.